There are days I just can’t even. I’ve had a list of things – important things! – on my desk for two days that I need to get to before tomorrow night. I only just started them this afternoon. Nothing that took the place of doing my list was unimportant. A call to the Emergency Room, emails, calls, requests for prayer and counseling – all important. Even this blog is important and it still takes a back seat to the other more immediate priorities.
I know full well that one must prioritize and then be hardnosed about sticking to real priorities. I could stand a bit more discipline in that area. At the same time, people are more important than writing reports or even this blog. I value people and helping them to the best of my ability. I’d say it’s one of my primary values, so the list will sit until I get to it. Yes, I know all of this. And yet, that list keeps sitting there, looking at me, saying these things must be done.
I don’t think I’m alone in needing to prioritize or let lists just sit there being mad at me. I don’t think that putting people over writing is wrong, not in my case (your mileage may vary). I am here to remind you and myself that everything that actually needs to get done eventually gets done. Spirit can take a large chunk of this list (and the second mental list that I never write down) and handle it all for me. I have the ultimate Divine Honey-do list here. So, help me out folks. How do you shush the list of urgent stuff in order to stay focused on what’s really important according to your values? How do you remember what your real values are in the face of others who want something else from you?
In the book The Big Leap, there is a concept called the Level of Genius. It’s actually one of four levels and the first two don’t matter as much for our purposes here. The third is Excellence and the fourth is Genius. And they can mess me up sometimes.
The level of Excellence is all the stuff you’re good at. You might be really good at it. I was an excellent administrative clerk back in the day. The lawyers loved me because I got things done for them. I got a steady paycheck and had health insurance that was really awesome. When I said I was going into full time ministry, my mom asked why I couldn’t stay where I was and do ministry on the weekends. That’s the problem with the gap between Excellence and Genius. Often, no one wants us to make that leap.
My Genius, I thought, was in speaking and inspiring folks. It might be in teaching and counseling too. I made the leap and did just fine. Unlike most, I didn’t have to take a pay cut and I have health insurance (not as great, but still health insurance). I love my work. It’s grown me. I’ve had to face fears, make big public mistakes and grow from them and let Spirit carry me when I had no idea what I was doing or even why I was doing it.
I have recently discovered another issue I have with the Level of Genius. Over time, it becomes more specific. At least, that’s my theory. I’ve discovered that there are aspects of ministry I’m good at, but aren’t as challenging as they used to be. I find other areas of ministry that are about an inch beyond my comfort zone and I’ve had to face the idea that perhaps my Level of Genius is out there on my growing edge. I know rationally that I’ve survived growth before. I know in my heart that I’ll always be carried by Spirit to a space beyond where I could go on my own steam. I’m not quite ready to make another Big Leap, but it’s coming up. I can see the cliff from here.
So if you see me muttering to myself, adjusting my cape and looking a little green around the gills, you know what’s up. Catch you on the other side!
When I was about to be ordained (several years ago now) I did an informal poll of ordained ministers about what to expect. The vast majority of the ministers I know are female, and I don’t know how much this affected their answers. However, what they answered with one voice was that I’d find my “give a damn” falling away. Not that I’d become uncaring, but that it might feel like my ability to be concerned about other people’s opinions would get dulled. I’d have a lot more confidence about what I want and how I choose to do my life. That might be a nicer way of saying it. The actual answer was pretty immediate and blunt. My middle finger would be getting a lot more exercise. In the most spiritual way possible of course.
I understand that this is a sign of aging in most women. We lose the need to please that has been trained into most of us. One of the great joys of my life is seeing that the younger generation of both men and women are, to paraphrase Wayne Dyer, “independent of the good opinions of other people.” To some folks, it might seem like the younger generation is rude or uncaring. Of course, the “younger generation” has seemed that way for decades if not centuries, so this is nothing new. However, I’m excited to see people standing in their truth, unwilling to be held hostage to the “nice” that was trained into me. The type of nice that had me doing things I didn’t want to do for reasons I didn’t agree with.
So here’s to aging. Here’s to an end to the etiquette that tells me I must sacrifice and martyr myself on the altar of “nice”. Here’s to standing as the proud Adult Children of God that we all are and respectfully declining to be nominated for the Doormat Council.
It seems like balance is a big issue for me. When I was in ministerial school, one of our instructors often reminded us to aim for the B. As you may guess, many of us were over-achiever types who put pressure on ourselves to get all A’s. Now in this case, the B stood for balance. We were to pay as much attention to creating work and life balance as we were to creating an awesome business plan or powerful Sunday talks. Balance is what really matters, we are told.
What if there’s no such thing, really? What if, when I say balance, what I mean is to be really present in whatever I’m doing? So if I’m at work, I’m not thinking about the weeds that are out of control in my yard at home? If I’m at home, I’m not obsessing over my next talk or even contemplating how to fit in an extra pastoral care visit in this week. I find that being fully present is enough of a challenge for me. If I add in trying to be completely balanced between work and play then it becomes too much. The truth is that, for me, there will be times I need or want to be at home for longer periods. There are times of the year when I simply expect to be busy at work. Basically don’t really expect my full attention between Thanksgiving and Christmas unless we are in my office talking about the work of ministry.
I’m working on the Center budget right now. The big goal is to find a way to fit in everything we think we need and have a plan to pay for it all. When I start this process, I find that the first version of the budget, where we just plug in numbers that seem to make sense based on what we spent in previous years, is almost always way out of whack. Never in our favor, either. It takes more time and more thought to bring us into balance. I’m starting to think that life balance requires the same time and attention to expenditures and income. Where do I get my energy? Am I willing to invest enough time in the things that feed me so that I don’t end up in the red at the end of the day or week or year? I’m so careful to balance the financial budgets in my life – time to look at other kinds of energy as well.
So… is your energetic budget balanced? How do you make sure?