The Way You Sparkle

“I think it’s beautiful the way you sparkle when you talk about the things you love.”

— Atticus Poetry, Love Her Wild

The other evening at a dinner party, I was talking with a woman who was telling me how much she loves living in the same town as her adult daughter because, as she said, “she’s my best friend.” My knee-jerk reaction was a spark of jealously. And even though it quickly sputtered out, it still surprised me because I don’t usually feel jealous – although for years, that was one of my predominate emotional and mental mindsets. But after I started studying our philosophy and teachings and applying them to my life, I began to realize there’s nothing for me to feel jealous about.

What I learned was that this jealousy grew out of my false belief that other people had what I believed I wanted and couldn’t have. What I also learned was that I could change this error thinking by seeing correctly. I began to see myself and the world around me from a softer gentler perspective, which was nurtured by my daily meditation practice. I started to “see” with my heart, which bypasses all physical appearance and goes straight to the essence of what is with a clarity that only compassionate love can crystalize into laser focus. Before, I used to feel jealous and resentful that my friends had lifetime experiences that I would never have because my mother died when I was twelve years old. But then as I began to incorporate more spiritual practices into my daily life, such as journaling, treating affirmative prayer out loud, reading metaphysical books, and increasing my meditation time, I also began to witness myself into who I was becoming.

At first, I didn’t recognize myself as the empathetic, compassionate, kind person that was showing up. Sometimes I would even question if the me that I’d known, who felt cheated out of so many things and responded with bitter sarcasm, was waiting in the shadows of my psyche for when I felt most vulnerable to come out of hiding and show herself as being the one in control. But it never happened, instead this person I didn’t know continued to evolve into an authentic open-heart, which is the Truth of who and what I am.

This revealing of my True nature came about because of my going within to the infinite spaciousness of my heart and discovering it was the safest place for me to dwell. All the defenses of jealousy, resentment, and bitterness showed themselves as being “no-things” as Emma Curtis Hopkins would say. They put up a good show, but I realized that the reason they had to be so vigilant and fierce was because they were like blowfish: just full of hot air fueled by a false belief that I wasn’t safe, cared for, loved, loveable, and loving. But once I replaced that with the spiritual Truth that I am all that God is and so I am love, then the hot air deflated.

So back to this conversation with this woman sharing about how she loved her daughter and my brief moment of feeling jealous. Recognizing this was a knee-jerk reaction and not the truth of who I am, I saw the hot air of falseness deflate and then focused all of my attention on this woman. As she continued to share, I began to see this beautiful woman become even more radiant. And even though she gave birth to her daughter over 40 years ago, it looked as though she had that luminescent glow that only pregnant women get. I loved seeing her shine and sparkle as she shared about her love. I loved witnessing myself engaged with this intimate sharing, knowing that I too am my earthly mother’s beloved and my heavenly Father Mother God’s beloved, that we are all the beloved of Divine Love.